In speaking with a number of moms over the years, whether that be individual mom's I've offered sleep coaching to or if my sleep consulting brought me to groups of moms, I have found commonalities and themes over time.
A Common Question from Moms:
Let me take you to a common question that comes up. I definitely find that a good amount of mom's ask this one. It's about 4 months sleep regression.
I find when moms do speak of it it is spoken of often times like they are practically referring to a deadly disease. 😧 However it is not one let me reassure you on this this.
I get it. No blame here in fearing sleep changes! How discouraging when things are going along okay or you just sort of got a tiny semblance of routine to what goes on in your evening or night, but then it changes for the worst!
"FUdgsicles!" or a similar phrase may slip out your mouth since you are human.
I completely understand why this extra missing sleep is dreaded, especially maybe even more so with Mom's who've NEVER had any okay runs at sleep yet. All of it can feel exhausting and even hopeless. You are not the only one.
Let's Calm your Fears:
The good thing is that if you are a mom who experiences pretty okay sleep at night with your baby consistently and then it changes, it can be a sign of development. Your baby is just likely to be growing. Changes happen in the brain and a milestone is practiced at night, get this, while they are asleep! 😴
Here's how this might look in your crib. For instance your baby may suddenly wake, only to realize they are up on all fours in a crawl stance! Imagine your baby then scratching their head saying to themselves, "How the heck did I get in this situation??" Then of course they call one of their favourite people in the world, who's been known to get them out of a jam more than a time or two, the only way they know how. Guess who? It's YOU.
Milestones can be so exciting and so fun. This is where you get to see your child show their new talents! However messed up sleep; not so much whatsoever!
None of us would consider learning and practicing crawling, sitting up independently pulling to stand, taking a first step or saying their first word to be going backwards, would we? In life many times, we need to take the good with the bad. Yet, if I can help a mom alleviate some suffering, that's what I'm going to do.
4 Month Progression?
Let's look at what is often happening with healthy babies, who arrived on or after their due date, when it comes to the 4-month mark.
Sleep changes that occur around 4 months or more often also have to do with developing circadian rhythms. This is good news because it means now their little brain-body connection senses there is a difference between day🌤 and night 🌃! They now receive signals that they feel more wakeful during the day and more sleepy at night. This can also be a sign that they are now ready to learn some independent sleep skills.
More good news for those moms whose child has never slept well and who feel so tired you may be dizzy or weak or nauseous. Your baby too, around the 4 month mark, based on if they arrived on or after their due date, is expected to be developing their circadian rhythms. This means they can be ready to learn to go to sleep independently and it doesn't make one dang bit of difference whether they slept okay previously or not. They can still easily learn. So once this happens, if your baby wakes in the night they can settle themselves back to sleep.
Throughout your baby's development, milestones will continue to come along down the line. Sometimes in a different order than the next baby. Not every baby is the same. So you can keep your focus on what your baby is up to.
Learning a new skill whether it's physical or mental can make for more night wakes, taking longer to go to sleep and possibly having early wakes. Are there any signs of your baby trying something new? If so, we can look at these sleep disruptions as getting through a new skill, so that you can move forward.
When you are too tired to feel settled, feel joy, or feel satisfaction, you may wish to prioritize your family by being good to yourself and getting steady, knowledgeable support for you and your baby's sleep. There is no selfishness in doing so. If you've been holding on and haven't been sleeping through the night for many months or nearly a year, the effects can be even greater, but your baby can learn independent sleep skills too, just as well. It's not too late.
What Can You Do if You're Missing Sleep Due to a Milestone?
💤 You can still do what you were doing to get through in order to get some sleep, but have faith there's likely an end in sight. Essentially you could wait it out, knowing that it may last for a couple weeks until your baby gets that new challenge nailed down. Going forward from there, sleep may go back to how it generally was for you.
OR
💤 You have an option to practice with your baby outside of bedtime. The practice is to gain the skill they are trying to attain more quickly. Instead of spending as much time on it while they are still sleeping, you help them repeat the steps outside of bedtime, NOT at nighttime.
Which sounds like a better option for you? You might consider your patience level and your physical energy level when you consider your capacity for it.
Setting everything up just right to make a path to sleep as smooth as can be for you and your baby is a really great way to start off your babies continued growth! There's a lot more to it than luck and hope when you need to bring sleep back into your life. Having more sleep in your home for you, your baby and the rest of the sleepers in your family, can be such a relief. It really can change so much for the better.
Having a supportive guide with sleep knowledge and expertise to get you there by the surest route and the least amount of detours can feel very reassuring. If you have more questions or would like to chat:
Email me at Heather@SleepandBeyondonsulting.com
Or
Head straight to our website www.SleepandBeyondConsulting.com to get yourself signed up for SLEEP.
Our Sound Sleepers Program is open for registration. It begins soon! October 22nd, 2024.
Sleep exists. You can have it. Just Reach Out.
Be good to you!
Good night,
Heather
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